Being Present, Creating Together

I am desperately trying 

to embrace every moment left 

before our new baby arrives

changing everything.

“This is going to be a fun summer!” I declare.

But there are still days when I find myself 

becoming easily irritated -

snapping at the smallest thing,

struggling to stay present.

Today is one of those days.

I break out the paints in an effort to lighten the mood.

She’s enjoying herself, exploring and creating

when suddenly I hear myself utter phrases like 

“Don’t paint the table!” 

and 

“If you don’t stop, I’m putting the paints away!”

I want to be here in this moment with her

but my mind is weighed down 

by the most recent negative criticisms of my work,

and the fact that we’ve been so busy.

I’ve barely had a conversation 

longer than 5 minutes with my husband all week.

Not to mention these pregnancy hormones -

the aching hips, 

lack of sleep.

I try to shake it off

and keep painting with her.

Does she see the burdens that are behind my smile?

“Mommy?” she says,

“I’m having so much fun painting with you.”

I glance down at her masterpiece -

A ceramic unicorn that somehow 

turned a putrid shade of yellow.

Yet

she adores it 

and

asked to add more glitter

(aka every parent’s nightmare).

She inspires me to let go of the burdens -

to embrace my art 

explore what I consider beautiful

even if it doesn’t match 

someone else’s definition of the word.

Like my daughter,

I won’t apologize on behalf of my creations.

Taking a deep breath 

I grab a paintbrush,

then dip it in the putrid yellow.

Together we

forget the haters 

and create with reckless abandon.

I’ve been enjoying rediscovering my love of film! Here are some recent polaroid shots from the summer- strawberry picking, swimming, and of course, painting!

This post is part of a blog hop with Exhale—an online community of women pursuing creativity alongside motherhood, led by the writing team behind Coffee + Crumbs. Click here to view the next post in the series "Fun Mom Summer".